late night

these are my words that i've never said before i think i'm doing okay.

i can't sleep. it's almost 4am.
i've been thinking alot.
i've just ended my conversation with cha
i miss her like fuck
and
yes
i miss the others too.

i did laugh
AND
YES i did cried too
but you know what
i felt better after talking.

i used to feel guilty at first
reason; because i miss him
but now i feel that it's okey to think and flash back memories i had.
so i am resigned to it.
i've made my choice.
so i'll just keep these memories in my mind.

anyways
initially i wanted to blog about how much i miss my attachment mates and some of my other school mates
it goes like
i miss cha, nana, huiling, yourei, suhana, buffay, mala, gopi, safiah, desh, fit,
and then i stop
i was trying real hard to remember that indian girl in my group....
i was seeing her face but i just couldn't remember her name
it was almost 3am and i just finish talking to cha
it irritates me SOooooo much that i had to call cha back and asked her.
surprisingly,
she has forgotten
we went like
mmm... haaa... aper ehhhk...

finally,we put down the phone
and cha agreed to call me later if she remembers.
few minute later
cha called
she loudly said

it's
MARAGATHAM !!!

we both laugh.

the funniest thing was
it is already almost 3am
do you know that Cha actually called Su to asked the name of the indian girl.
like hello
imagine
if you are sleeping
and then your friend ask you a stupid unnecessary question in the middle of the night
babe! what's the other Indian girl's name besides mala?
tak mangkuk?
hee...
anyway ya...
i am soooooooo bored.

i just finish my last cigarette
and am sooo fucking lazy to walk to 7 11 to buy a new pack
shit
i think it;s better to sleep now
it's deepavali
happy holiday.
i am SO gonna meet my drug later.
he's coming later to clean up my room.

i swear u are just my memories

these are my words that i've never said before i think i'm doing okay.

Now i know why u kept asking about her.
you should have just went straight to the point that you wanted to get to know her more.
need not until TODAY i get to know about it and negatively think that you were not sincere enough.
do u think my life is SO private.
it's not; really.
people still see me here and there.
it's their problem to judge me.
yes i do smile alot nowadays
and express happiness
so what?
and
so what if YOU've been crying and waiting
do THEY know who was actually the victim?

i swallowed every words of pain i wanted to express to you.

but why did you have to make me so angry.
and swear on things that are unnecessarily


if i can't reach out to you
i'll send a sign across the sea

i don't have to worry anymore
if i really need you
i'll go to the shore

and the thoughts of you there will be my protection

i see you right in front of me
a vision in my head
and i know this is as real
as a day dream gets

and it might seems much too far to get back where we are

you make no sound
but i can hear you in the wind
i can see this never ends
like the sea
like you for me

good bye love.