fated to be just me

baaa...

2008-04-21T11:36:00.002+08:00

This is supposed to be simple.
it's supposed to be easy.
I'm supposed to no longer care.
I'm supposed not to think about you

Why you're no longer here; and why I can't see you, too.

I'm not supposed to remember
All those times you fought with mom
Or the time you hit me when i was younger.
When my life seemed to exploded like a bomb.

I’m supposed to move on
I'm not supposed to regret the past
Supposed to be happy
And not remember the rest.

I'm supposed to grow up.
Without any memory of this.
Without spending time worrying.
And wondering about everything I’ll miss.
I'm supposed be able to move on and live my life like you were never there.

You were supposed to love me.
Not make me live in vein
What ever happened daddy?
Why did you leave?
I don't get it anymore.

And I know I should probably stop trying
But I know I can't
When a part of me is dying
I need to see you again daddy
And get everything straight
Like why you hit me
And to tell you it’s just too late
And I know that even though I'm not supposed to care
Or even worry why you're not here
But I can't help it.

But you left me to fend all alone.
both of them are still young and schooling. They need u too.

I thought that I still needed you
But now that feeling has blown
I don’t need you anymore.
I don’t need you lies.
And your silly little games.
I don’t need anymore tears to shed from my eyes
You may not need me now.
But it’s just too late.
You left me and made me cry.

have you ever wonder when it’s your turn with the same fate?
But don’t worry.
Because deep down inside
I still need you.
And that feeling just can’t hide.
But I hope you can understand; why I can’t wait anymore.
It’s not that I don’t love you
Because trust me, that feeling will always soar
But I have to move on.
I have to get a better life
One without you in it
To hurt me like some knife
And I’ll miss you baa...

Even thought if you said over and over again that you're much better off this way.

Even though you've hurt us.
In my heart you will always stay.

good bye baa.

late night

2007-11-08T02:53:00.000+08:00

i can't sleep. it's almost 4am.
i've been thinking alot.
i've just ended my conversation with cha
i miss her like fuck
and
yes
i miss the others too.

i did laugh
AND
YES i did cried too
but you know what
i felt better after talking.

i used to feel guilty at first
reason; because i miss him
but now i feel that it's okey to think and flash back memories i had.
so i am resigned to it.
i've made my choice.
so i'll just keep these memories in my mind.

anyways
initially i wanted to blog about how much i miss my attachment mates and some of my other school mates
it goes like
i miss cha, nana, huiling, yourei, suhana, buffay, mala, gopi, safiah, desh, fit,
and then i stop
i was trying real hard to remember that indian girl in my group....
i was seeing her face but i just couldn't remember her name
it was almost 3am and i just finish talking to cha
it irritates me SOooooo much that i had to call cha back and asked her.
surprisingly,
she has forgotten
we went like
mmm... haaa... aper ehhhk...

finally,we put down the phone
and cha agreed to call me later if she remembers.
few minute later
cha called
she loudly said

it's
MARAGATHAM !!!

we both laugh.

the funniest thing was
it is already almost 3am
do you know that Cha actually called Su to asked the name of the indian girl.
like hello
imagine
if you are sleeping
and then your friend ask you a stupid unnecessary question in the middle of the night
babe! what's the other Indian girl's name besides mala?
tak mangkuk?
hee...
anyway ya...
i am soooooooo bored.

i just finish my last cigarette
and am sooo fucking lazy to walk to 7 11 to buy a new pack
shit
i think it;s better to sleep now
it's deepavali
happy holiday.
i am SO gonna meet my drug later.
he's coming later to clean up my room.

i swear u are just my memories

2007-11-08T00:33:00.000+08:00

Now i know why u kept asking about her.
you should have just went straight to the point that you wanted to get to know her more.
need not until TODAY i get to know about it and negatively think that you were not sincere enough.
do u think my life is SO private.
it's not; really.
people still see me here and there.
it's their problem to judge me.
yes i do smile alot nowadays
and express happiness
so what?
and
so what if YOU've been crying and waiting
do THEY know who was actually the victim?

i swallowed every words of pain i wanted to express to you.

but why did you have to make me so angry.
and swear on things that are unnecessarily

if i can't reach out to you
i'll send a sign across the sea

i don't have to worry anymore
if i really need you
i'll go to the shore

and the thoughts of you there will be my protection

i see you right in front of me
a vision in my head
and i know this is as real
as a day dream gets

and it might seems much too far to get back where we are

you make no sound
but i can hear you in the wind
i can see this never ends
like the sea
like you for me

good bye love.

changing

2007-09-25T16:05:00.000+08:00

is it possible to wait for 6 years for a person you love and wanted to be with ?

anyways,
it's the 25th... super broke. the reason of being jobless for almost a month.
But, i am so glad i quit my job at nuh.
i'm currently working in an Aesthetic medical group,
its a real dramatic change of jobscope.

i shall talk more about the new job soon
but
i just wanna let some of the people here know that i miss my pantats aLot!!!

girls, read up. an earlier sms i get from juliet...

a wise woman once said that to be happy

1. it is impossible to find a man who helps at home,
who cooks a decent meal,from time to time clean up and has a job.

2.it is impossible to find a man who can make U laugh.

3.it is impossible to find a man who can trust and who doesnt lie to U.

4.it is impossible to find a man who is GD in bed and who likes to be with U.

5.it is VERY important that these 4 men don't know each other.

Juls, read up.
HA HA HA. very funny. i know u don't have anything better to do.
Please puasa ok so that we can happily break fast together.

to cHa
happy love life. very complicated but yaa... never ending.

to Sue
i SMS u but u didn't replY!!!!!

to arabsundzzz
don cha wish ur girlfriend was hot like me.

k love u people... i'm now at work. The place close at 2pm and will open again at 7pm.
i have bloody 5 hours to rest lor.

till i write again.
love;
nana

self blame

2007-09-05T18:52:00.000+08:00

see what stilnox and wine can do when its crushed and mixed?

its all your fault.
i wouldn't be taking it
if u didn't hurt me.

i would still be working.
i would still be with you.
i would still be coming home.; sober.

because of the pain you've caused me
I long for sleep,
but can it bring me rest?

i am recovering.

The depression, guilt, shame
This has made me even stronger in my recovery.

its too late to say sorry.

I now have to rebuild everything.

u noe i noe

2007-09-01T04:12:00.000+08:00

Do you know how am i doing or what i am going thru now?
or

SIMPLE.
what do i feel towards you?

Go ahead and make me sad
it’s okay if it makes you happy

Rip my heart out and step on it
it’s okay if it makes you happy

i am lost
but
i know one day ... i'll find my way.
excuse me.
i don't need ur comments.

fly away...

i am now an addict.
addicted to sleeping pills that is.

but

i am fine tho. just tired.

i've been going out almost every day.

i freaking scare my mom when i told her that i spent $ 500 on just food, ciggarette and cab fares for 3 days.

but

it's ok.
i had fun.
(some of the pics taken from this week)

that is all that matters now. right.

well, i have the power to make my life happy or sad
Right now I am happy
Happy because I am changing.
i won't say that i've changed
but i'm a changing person.

i dont need to be kind. who am i impressing?

in the final analysis.
ppl.
it's never about my life with u.
fucking hell.

in the final analysis
its between me and god.

love;
nana

rather a disturbing post
but
i wanna let u guys know something about me
when i was a lil' kid
when my parents called my full name

i fainted

therefore;
they call me
nana

now i know

good nyte.

big girls crying

2007-08-14T15:54:00.000+08:00

i feel like SHIT.

my sister is like shit

boyfriend is like shit too...
sleeping and smelling like shit too..
i called him so many times
but he's still sleeping.
i just wanna see the damm doctor

he's ignoring me.

i wanna quit my job
i hate my job

i wanna run away...

- still into this

2007-08-05T07:05:00.001+08:00

a day start by him by my side

isnt fifi a one hell handsome cat

boyfriend of mine

we head to twl to meet with the gang
see.. my portable movie player is now their laughing gas.
recently, i uploaded some funny japanese pranks.
they love it of course

i am forever with my tiny shorts eventhough it seem i've gain 3kg in a month.
i am fat, i say.
ok so we were seating at twl and then after my last sip, they wanted to go to a wedding dinner.
so uh huh.
we did. with my tiny short shorts, and some of them wearing slippers and just jerseys and bems, we went to the wedding.
how seleke was US.
unimaginable.
i met 2 amazing girls yesterday. it was an instant click that eventually we were talking bout love and our past life.
after filling our stomach, we ride off.

we ride from one end to another like nobody business.
in the past, i hated it
the journey i call " riding to no where"
but amazingly i wanted to go places i miss and i would love to adventure to new places.
so ah...a..

we went to this hollow dark entrance of a forest near kampung chantek.
damm
it was dark and we had no touch lights.
i went to the nearest petrol station along bt timah rd but caltex didn't sell any torch so i actually beg that mat
and left my hp no and promise to return the torch.

there was 9 of us and i was the no. 5.
we hold each other shoulder in a row as we walked inside.
one hand holding syz1 what it seems tall broad shoulders
and my another hand holding a ciggy
tiptoeing in case i step on a Pool of those big black ants
and constantly looking down in case i see head flying
but still
goodness, the ants was huge. it was like a size of a capsule.
we walk and walk until we stop to an incoming call by fahmi.

That badot was alraedy outside the entrance and we returned to the same path to fetch him

but eventually our plan to go in again was ruined
when some stupid rich fuckers residing around there made a police complain
and we were chase out from that estate.

the journey didn't stop. the night was still young and suggested to meet my friend; james.

didn't end there tho
we made our way to kampung wak hassan.
on the way at sembawang, syz1 back tires got pierced by a nail.
amazingly fahmi was brave to ride syz1 wobbling bike back to bukit batok.
i should have taken a pic of him sitting on the bike tank riding...
it's ridiculous.

anything. watever.
it has been a week not meeting up with my pantats over cigarette, coffee or simply just bread and spermo jelly at ah hock.
i guess it's just our busy schedule. su just gotten her naval pierced and when is my turn? she didn't text me back.
oh please dont be mad at me su for not hearing ur calls at the bus stop.

anyways, sister was great to give me nights on thurs and fri.
Therefore i was granted an off day for sat and sun
so that eventually i need not take that blurdy train especially on a sat noon when ppl are going towning.
and on sundays, seeing the whole family still sleeping as i walked out.

and guess what. another off day for me on sat n sun next week!

which means... i better polish my dancing shoes... i will be shuffling my way to zouk i guess.
yan had asked me along so why not.

AND

i am so dying to go sentosa.
i need my pantats to go too. lets sun tan till moon tanning.
i know u both have some belly to show off.
(hmmp)
we could play beach ball and chill at cafe delma or km8 after that.

shall we
shall we...

WE SHALL right!!!
???

am smilling from ear to ear as i am typing...
he's just beside me sleeping.
snooring.
baby been great.
so do i....
a record to be held for not having arguments this few weeks.
Blaaaah.

i'm just equally ashamed that i may be the reason of him diagnosed
young hypertensive.

like hello 19o/ 110?
it's crazy.

it started when he's so lazy to go to work after our routine club nights and late outings...
he wanted an mc.
so we went to the hospital.
at nuh we waited for blurdy 6hrs to see the dr.
so yaaaa... dr gave him some few tablets to be taken every morning to control his blood pressure level.
so maybe i was just driving him crazy with my ms perfect attitude.
i've been a lil' bit cool with him nowadays when in fact he still annoy me.
being a nurse i know how he can end up if he doesn't take the pills every morning.

i know this patient he's 35.

forgetting to swallow one damm small tablet
and
also to work stress( the pt mum told me so)
he is now bed bound... still there in my bed 34.
one day, the vessel just burst and he also had his left side brain removed.

whenever i do 2hourly turning for him, i treated pushing him side to side gently seeing that it must just be syz1.

i'm scared and i do care
syz1 never seems to care a shit for his negligence.
period.
so, maybe it have been a quite a long time since i last blog.
as usual i have ALOT to tell but another one more news
my sister.
she's a malay, 40 plus not married yet, kind but at times naggy
(thank god she's not my mother)
she told me to retake my o level.
she wants me to go nanyang while she will sponsor me with my basic pay while i studied.
is she kidding me or what?
na-ah.
i remember my math o level was d7 when i was in sec5
and
i was trying my luck again retaking math in private

when to my what my instint always say" i told u so" attitude
i got a E8.

oh wells, i have till this nov to think about it.
it's a good oppurtunity but hey... it's not bad either being an an okey.
some of my prcp student wish that they'll happy to work like me but in hope to have sn pay la of course.
working in a highly stress area like medical ward, my sn only get to eat dinner or go home as late as 11pm on a pm shift especially on bz bz day.
as for now, i wish i had save up more money. it keep being spent by just a snap.
it's only the beginning yar...

i need my sleep now.
going nydc with my new found friend; yanti
(a nyp student nurse who apparently is going out w/ fahmi but has a boyfriend who dont care bout her where and well beings)
later with the boys.
ok toodles.

to my pantats; i would love to go ah hock and listen to some more clinche stories.
love;
yours truly;
tea

- never been reveal before

2007-08-05T07:05:00.000+08:00

to .u.
i love u w every .heartbeats.
sometime i drive u .crazy.
simply
because i want to do the best in .us.
i may not have many best friends or maybe a perfect family

and .u.
that's all that i need now
.you. are my best friend
my .soul mate. and i love you very much.

i adore u and
i miss u.

my absence
it's been a month now.
my birthday has just passed.
i'm 21. Alot of things happen so quickly.
i'm still smiling tho...

God knows my address
i keep asking why why why
but
i still have no answers to my questions

i have always learnt that things
usually bad and evil things always happen for a reason.

and damn right
it's always beneficial for the future.

---the beatings from dad when i was still a child until my teens
---mom going through my diaries

i learnt to communicate with my children
building a bond and trust
and most importantly
keep asking why and being rationale with my children.

i knew as a kid
i wasn't a bad girl.
of how they treated me was unreasonable.

the beatings and swearing made me drift away

one time they stop because i ran away

after running away, they tried to be good to me

but it was too late. i stop talking to them too or even try to take a glimpse at them

i had only my best friends my boyfriend to run to
my diary my journal
i wrote about my days in my high school

but what happen? mom read em'
so, you see. i wont choose that path of how they treated me.

high&Low
and if you talk about my HL relationships.
maybe being with that former gangster boyfriend of mine wasn't a mistake at all.
apparently, he's now in jail.

anyway, i said that
its because it made me realise and apparently compare between those 2 boys.
off the record.
syz1 has always and will be my life companion.
we've been together for almost 7 years
and i know that i want too be with that man.
He's kind, sensitive and somebody i know i can trust.

trust is something i value in somebody

it has always been a problem in me trusting friends
because i've heard and seen it all

be it in groupings or collegues.
i've seen enough backstabbers, liars, malicious gossipers, envious people.
i got paranoid.
tell me how am i suppose to even tell the deepest secret to somebody
when
you never know
she will tell and apparently pass to others in the wrong way of how you actually meant.

sooner, people start to judge you.
worst thing, two face people.

Recently, i met up with some of my former schoolmates.
this particular girl,
she used to talk to me on the phone about almost things that she hated about this girl or that girl...
bad mouthing about this and that
and ever she told me that she wanna get close to this somebody because
.simply.
nak korek rahsia

tell me isn't it scary.
what if it happen to me. u think she's ur good friend
and
as the result
she your
yours truly; hypocrite.

But so far, i have put down my guard down
- a little bit.
i open up a little bit to few people.
people i hated became my best friend.
especially my mom.
she 's the most wonderful people i know in the world.

she understand the word patience.
i admire her patience when facing real problem in front of her eyes growing like nobody business.

nowadays, i see my self so .bocap.
life is short, i say.
live it.

I am close to finalizing my life now
to be a good daughter. good sister. good girlfriend. good friend. good team player.
In fact, i am a lot different, more sure of myself, and more capable of things than I was.
...
...
...
...
all the thanks to my past.

- yesterday's dream

2007-06-29T10:06:00.000+08:00

somebody managed to make me smile

- love u baby.
our crazy day yesterday.

- Life is short

2007-06-28T16:50:00.000+08:00

i got lost.
and i've returned today.

the experience scares me to death.
i was lost in my very own sweet shelter.

i miss how it was ; how many years ago.
my brothers was so happy and gay
so full of love and fun

then,
dad was still wasn't a jerk.

mom was still nagging.

at my bed side.
there's a warm,loving,tender,caring family potrait.
my family;
they were there filling my needs

now.
i'm lost.
i'm losing my breath.
nothing i said he'll understand.

mama is feeling lonely, crazily lonely
her need for a conversation with him.
i miss the sound of her music.

nevertheless,
bro's are growing teens.
when i look upon the potrait not long ago
they were all tiny and mini
look how fast they're growing.

for my dearest brother;
to you both; do not fear.
i will protect and care for u both.

just remember dad
at the end of ur life.
it's not ur child
ur wife
ur car
ur money
that u take with u

it's ur amalan.

i wish life was like the family from still standing.

anyways,
training at mdis was fun.
ended at 4pm.
way early right girls.
that
HARLOOO
woman was there
but yet we didn't heard any of that harLoo's
so irritating laa that woman.

so we headed to ps
lame shopping mall ever.
west mall lagy best taw.

bought for my little sunshine friend su a small prezzie
and then we actually wanted to head to fish and co but at the same time wait for ain to reach town
so we head to town first
and we saw JULiet...
ahaaa
that girl is crazy
that day she was with the poor bf.
but we still yet to see the rich bf soon.

well it came to a point that me mals and su are supper hungry so we decided to eat at cahaya...

after dinner

i was thinking to pierce my eyebrow
but
i dont know
i was scared.

so after that we still shop
and
then our butt landed infront of the stairs of liat towers.
we had chardonney and flavoured ciders .

su ate her melted chocolate cake.
eventho it was abit deform but she doesn't mind.
sorry buffay.

well it sucks tho that we set our own curfew.
BECAUSE
during that point we had only 6hrs to sleep and then to work.
i thinks mals took mc the next day.
ain had some mandarin course in sch in the morn
while cha met her bf
juliet went off with the poor bf
su head home straight
and
i met beautiful.

she say
marriage is bull
the name wife and husband is just a status.

intelligently my beautiful crystal.
confused is what i've been,
for months now, maybe years...

for my dearest syz1
good night my angel
close yours eyes tight
dream of me loving you in the nite.

dream together so that we can fly high tonight.

i need prozac.

-

2007-05-30T13:11:00.000+08:00

Shortly thereafter, he informed me that he's done basically nothing to arrange a 21st birthday party for me, even though he'd led me to believe he had.

But still. I thought today was supposed to be about me.
Tomorrow I'll tell you all about our trip.

it's almost 2pm.
i wanna shower. eat. go to work.

miss syz1 tho.

i heard vesak day that he n fwens has great plans.
sucks to work tho...
am night somemore.

my temberang weekend

2007-05-30T00:43:00.000+08:00

today i woke up ,
showered, put on my clothes and grabbed my pass and went to work.

it has been quite a long time since i work in the morning.

its sucha ass to wake up so early.

all these while, it has always been afternoon shift or nyte for me.
so, i didn't complain much.

anyway, today,
i have one new staff working w/ me
and her name is moon.

sister was confident to let her tag w/ me.

hello??
i barely work for 2 months and i am her preceptor??!!

kidding me laaa...
i haven't even get my checklist sei.

oh wells,
since the day jalilah resigned,
sister has taken new staffs
and surprise surprise....

oh my i was so surprised
because
my nyp prcp's students came back
and they are now
working as a health care assistant.

these guys are working temporary tho
coz' they're waiting for ns.

temporary is still good enough.

we are so short of staff nowadays.
like for instance,
on sunday the ward total staff strength was only 3 staff nurse and no JUNior at all.
tell me.
how bad is that?
i didn't wanna take mc that day.
but i was sick for the entire week.
i was down w. fever,flu,cough and migraines
besides i was just so tired
and honestly,
i was in a holiday mood laa.
pay day was on friday and all i wanna do is just spent time and money.

saturday, time was spent w/ syz1 and friends. we just simply " chill ' " around town.

i can't believe that
they all, of all places wanted to sit down at forum.

i saw a couple of familiar faces.
best lar kann. they all heading to hard rock.

we actually wanted to head zouk but because lil' miss wati had to work the next day.
but still
it doesn't make any differences tho.
we still went home at 3am.

i was sO lazy and
at 7am
syz1 accompanied me to the dr.
after i've inform the ward. i went home and took some more rest.

i woke up in the evening and i was darn bored so being born a bother
syz1, ali and fahmi accompanied me to town to shop.

after hours spending at town,
the guys were tired
and three of them are NS guys some more which means they gotta work on monday.
being mean that it was my off day on monday.
i didn't wanna go home so i drag them to arab st.

sheesha n turkish coffee aper lagy... carik pasal laa kann. now i'm having sorethroat. hee...

ok back to arab st.

we sat at our usual place and then guess who i saw. dewie laa kann...
oh wells, she and fiancee- to- be hermie has a shop.

she told me to go in the shop but yg drg drg tak kuasa nak masuk, so we lepak until she closed the shop but before she left, she told me to singgah one day.

and

uh huh i did yesterday.

monday was suppose to go simei. goffy expected me to come but i was simply so lazy to travel to simei.

and also that afternoon, i was suppose to meet my babes. but alamak so many halangan.
cha had something on last min...
su... i think her hp got stolen and hui hui's reception was bad.

and

so i asked syz1, azzy and my bro to town again.

i bought for azul a new pair of shoes.
his DC shoe was bad laa.
so koyak rabak. my bro; a biker. does stunts. explains y.

then we went to arab st and head to mosi to have our super pedas maggi grg.

i tell u
me and bro had a bad stomachache after that.

after mosi, kita singgah kedai dewie.
first sight. we saw hermie. we went in. he went out.
i browse around.
ok laa... but very limited things.
i wanted to buy the dress. cost almost $80. pretty but the dress material was poor. i knew if i wear a few times; the rubber will sretch and i won't be able to fit it.

anyways, the shop was nice and cosy.

syz1 loved the bike but wasn't interested w/ the things that they're selling.
azzy was standing one side because she's not into beach type stuff.
my bro. i don't know what he was doing.
i tried on a few dress tubes and THe dress
but i didn't buy any.
but still, i will come and see any new stuffs.
i wish they can have more dress for me to choose tho.

however, i think that it's nice to know and see someone you know having a shop.
and in fact, i'm proud of her. i think she did a great job setting up a business.

anyways,
later i am doing night.

wednesday is gonna be a busy night and

wohoo... am doing nights together w/ cha.

till i write again.

gd night.

- missing

2007-05-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

i miss marc, kev, nisya and kye soooo much.

if madigans was still open,
there u go, we can still meet yaaa...

anyway, it feels so good to sleep the whole day.
it's my off day today.
I laid around in bed in my p.j's, curled up with my cat for almost 20 hours.
i was cruel that i didn't let fifi went out of my room to eat.
and the best thing was fifi did his business at the corner of my room.
haiz.

i wanted to sleep some more but syz1 called me and wanted to meet me.
he's just a pussycat.
sooo manja nowadays.

we both are so tired of working.

can't wait for the getaway this july...

Umbrella ft Jay-Z
By Rihanna

[Jay-Z]
Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Rihanna)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good girl gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Take three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh

No clouds in my storms
Let it rain, I hydroplane in the bank
Coming down with the Dow Jones
When the clouds come we gone, we Rocafella
She fly higher than weather
And G5�s are better, You know me,
an anticipation, for precipitation. Stacked chips for the rainy day
Jay, Rain Man is back with little Ms. Sunshine
Rihanna where you at?

[Rihanna]
You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When there�s sunshine, we�ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

[Chorus]
When there�s sunshine, we�ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

[Chorus]
When there�s sunshine, we�ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining

A. O. R.

2007-05-14T23:33:00.000+08:00

The more i work in a geri ward, the more slower, confuse i feel...
and the best thing is that i sound more and more like an a-mah nowadays.

anyways my legs .. my back are all aching.
my mom is so funny laaa.
she actually scream because she thought i bought a pantyhose for merely $70.
but uh huh
i told her it's not an ordinary pantyhose or just a cheap thin pantyhose. ok.
it does wonders too ya...
and i bought crocs too eventhough it's not even allowed while working but
hantam jer laa. the stupid pucinno or whatever shoes laa... it's killing me sei...

i have to admit i'm facing some pressure now because the ward is very heavy. almost all the pt are bed bound or twice my size or they are demented.
student time of course i love demented pt. why?
they are cute and all day u layankan jer laa org org tua berbual nonsense.
yar... eventho it can be entertaining but i tell you they make u do double job. cleaning their mess or chasing them.. gosh. so tiring.

i know things will work out in the end. They have to but i'm just tired. i need an escape. i need to be rescued.

I've got to vent a bit. it about this particular staff in the ward.
she;s just rude how she approach you, how she talk... bloody rude and she sucks my blood.
ppl like her need not be respected.
so what if u r a very "experienced" nurse.
one day if i know my job well, i wouldn't be as arrogant like you.

Don't claim you're experience
i don't call myself an expert on anything.
i know i can always learn more than I know.
The real experts i know, are the ones that are humble and just do the work.

period.
haiz. . . . .

but i'm glad i wasn't the only person on earth that have problems w/ her. even the student complaint to me that she'll be m.i.a. and the time she appears she'll demand the students to do this and that.
see...
talk alot. no actions done.

ok ok ok enough wati...

can't wait for graduation day after all. miss my school mates especially all the pantats laaa...

rahim & harith called me last week. and they were the fallen angles laa... she called me at the right time when i was so stress up w/ work.

common' who donnoe these 2 badots. talk alot of nonsense only.

anyway harith
happy advance bdae.
i can't attend ur bdae party.
ya i repeat harith has a bdae party so the boi kentalok laaaa....
heee...
because i have to work.
i love my patients, ok.

till i write again... which i have no clue. when.
remember
dont quit when the night is darkest for its just a while 'till dawn.
don't quit when the hill is steep for your goal is almost high,
Don't quit for you're not a failure until you fail to try.

- smile abit baby

2007-04-17T20:19:00.000+08:00

i got invited to an engangement ceremony laa...
congratulation to Am & who? siti eh... donnoe laa her name.

eventhough me & syz1 are together for almost 7yrs.
ppl are insane if they ever suggest for us to get engange.

well, for a reason.
syz1 find me a nuisance and i find him too a pain in the ass.
but
yeeaa... eventhough at times i feel like cutting his balls whenever he make me act like one lunatic crazy woman

i still do love him.

anyways

i'm still alive okey.
i got a LOT to share. but very limited. as i need to cut short and head home to sleep.

ok,i have started work and it's no more mon to fri. am a full-time which includes working on sat or sun. This has been a very, very long week for me so far...

am struggling to get into the habit of an earlier bedtime but it;s soo hard when i am so used to going out late at nights.

u see...
as a nurse, u gotta have enough sleep. infact on my off day. sometimes i feel that the day shld just be spent at home; sleeping instead of window shopping or sheesa-ing.

especially in my ward.
it's super riddiculous ok
working 8hrs running around.
Not even a sec. to go toilet or even a sip of h20.

Not that my day job is all bad, in fact I think I can finally start talking about my career now.
i just feel that i need time to improve.

and when i get my pay.
i bloody need to spent a pretty penny on myself by buying a surgical embolic stockings.
THOSE veins are super ugly.

scary that it looks it's gonna burst soon.

ok...
smile abit baby.

nytess.

- tired

2007-04-12T20:26:00.000+08:00

Believe me babe, i am sure there are many times in life when ppl feel disappointed w/ things in life. Believe me, it hurts because, I disappointed myself thinking u were a true friend.
i despise u now. truly.

i despise her

but i' wanna forget about the whole situation of she

manipulating me & several ppl in her life.

i felt that there is no point hating her

because

as time passes i will forget and learn to forgive.

Even though she had CREATEd a super ridiculous story about me.

syz1 thought she was a joke. He didn't believe her lies.

However, i learn something in return of this tragic beautiful tragedy.

i'll sacrifice.

To become a new person, to change things.

When i learn to forgive and forget, i have a reason to enjoy living.

- Liar

2007-04-11T15:56:00.000+08:00

u knew he was one of my boyfriend's close friend &
u went to some cheap hotel in geylang and slept with him.
how dare u told him not to tell me & syz1.
don't u feel dumb?
that he told us ur "secret"
u told him that u don't have a boyfriend.
fact; ur engage.
like hello!
so keep your shitty ass lies away.
your lies sicken me and the others.
and your face disgusts me.
So things are going to be different between you and I
not because u slept with a friend of ours.
but because i know everything now babe.

u came to us and said that ur just friends w/ that gerl
but i just got to know from her that u told her
u love her
she love u too
and she fuck u too.
babe, if u think ur intelligent.
think.
u eva said that ur gonna get rid of her because ur are 1000% sure u wanna marry ur fiancee.
u did ignore her for some time
and now
that ur fiancee is in overseas
u find her for a companion.
u scrap her money and ask her to top up ur prepaid.
and guess wat.
i am so fucking glad that she realise it now that u are a joke...

and

ur cheap.

babe, am not gonna reveal more shits bout u.
each tear you cried to me and her was all a LIE…
I don't have empathy or sympathy for someone like u who is so pathetic.

- a visit to HTA

2007-04-07T17:53:00.000+08:00

- a (good) friday. Right....

2007-04-06T17:40:00.000+08:00

How did my friday went? Lets see...
i started my morning by waking up at 4.30am
ON A PUBLIC HOLIDAY.
how fantastic is that laaa...
ok so, most of my days this week was spent on orientations.. i always end up being the presenter but i wont complain laaa..am happy after the 4 days, we all have smilly side up badge.

continue smilling wati...

and after that long naggy course....
confidence. attentiveness. respect. empathy. towards my patient. is my piority.
work is tiring this 2 weeks. but uh huh... all that ama, apek, peng, chak yoh, piku chilai, ... i survived taw.

anyways tomorrow is my day off. would love to head zouk tonight.

syz1 had received his posting... guess. guess. court officer laaa. and which his division covers town area. the shitty part is that he cant enter any entertaiment centre around town area; which include, zouk.

l a m e.

but serious serious...
what i really really wanna do today is spent with one person. After spending lotsa time w/ friends... i wanna go out w/ syz1 today. i Miss him more than my salsa chesse. it felt So long that i didn't catch things up w/ him.
till then.

wish me all the best.

my off day is so fucking precious.

anyways... i so wanna share THIS.

well, i didn't went to prom. ya ya.

i am a nerd.

so?

but i so wanna know who ( a group of Malay girls ) they were dancing.... and turn off their neighbours.

why.

VEry bad body odour.

hee... it was funny tho listening to this things when i met up again w/ my schoolmates last week.

Okay,this is typed out now, so I'm going to shower. I wanna go out. got 36hrs to spent.

- so far so good

2007-03-29T10:46:00.000+08:00

I have been busy these past three days as Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday was spent in the the ward.
FYI, It's a general medical ward and it's really really tiring.
I heard from people about the ward that it has political issues on almost everything.
Oh well, i wouldn't wanna get influence on bad shits bout the people there.
i'll build my own culture by minding my own business and just smile.
but work was fun actually.
i hate mornings.
because, i have to drag my lazy ass off to work.
because to me it's a sure big difference between waking up at 4.30am & waking up at 9.30am.
anyways, i am so blissful that jalilah is in the same ward with me
... haa...
both of us masih feeling feeling that we are still student.
i cant believe that
ok... my ward in total there are almost 20 NYP's and 10 NP students.
one of the staff call out student
i actually turn by head unconsciously laaa...

Anyway, my yesterday after my pm shift it was spent with my gfs & my new friend miranti at mc Donald's. How nice is it that they do " meet ups ". appreciate that girls... sitting down and having conversations, over friescokecoffee and cigarettes.

i'm gonna eat now. Hope mum left some food in the fridge. guess i'm gonna stay at home today. the itch to go out is there. nana called earlier and ask me along to Chinatown to get her tickets. BUT i am so lazy. i just wanna hang my legs and watch tv all day.
nana is going Canada soon. i wish i have $ now.i'll probably wait for another 2 years to go there. so gonna miss her laa.

- a balance of all

2007-03-25T13:47:00.000+08:00

- done deal.

2007-03-22T14:05:00.000+08:00

like what!
i am starting work on monday.

i came down to hr at 9am to sign the contract. it was total happiness; really. but i still don't know which ward am i gonna work in. like hello. am clueless...

trying out my very the gelebos scrub suit was something that i never knew the time has come. it's not made of soft satin and it looks like a pajamas. On the scrub suit u'll see... animals prints. i wish nuh will change their scrub suit soon. like seriously. it's super whoper kental okey...

oh well... i can't wait to party my ass off at zouk tomorrow w/ my attachment gfs. and by the way gf s will be sleeping over my place tonight. yeah... another blanket party. probably the last one before nana fly off to canada and also before i start work. anyways, there will be no manicure section because i broke my nails on last saturday when i played bowling. so the bingit. so probably just doll up nana tonight. i am gonna cut her hair and dye her hair. give her bangs too... nahhh.. i am a bad ass cutter okey. i remembered dewie told me to cut her fringe and i cut it super short that she whines the whole day :p anyway i am so super whoper excited. i can't wait for tonight and tomorrow...

i'll take a nap for now. it;s super humid. maybe, i'll take a bath first.

OHHHH... i so gonna blog this.
dad congrats me
exact sms...
well done ya but must work hard and b successful in life.
i dont wanna get all emo now
but
yea...
i love u dad.
and
i love mama the most.

good bye.

- trying my best

2007-03-21T22:26:00.000+08:00

what the fcuk. my bro has a blog. that is super kental eh zul. we hardly talk at home and now we can COMMUNICATE
like going online and read each other blog.
and zul... dont write rubbish, for instance. best sex position. it's super riddiculous okey.

anyways...
i have an autograph date tomorrow. ahaha. signing the bloody contract laaa...super the leceh okay.

and
i'm trying my very best not to eat meat.
seafood is not a problem. i could skip them because i do not enjoy eating them.
i told syz1 and he's quite supportive... like uh huh... he goes like...
siak ah B... nak jadi kambing makan rumput ehk.
he made me laugh
but at the end of the day am super serious. all my salad usually have chicken and i probably must learn to pretend that the tomatoes are chicken. i know i am cruel to my body
but we'll just see how is the outcome. well, its quite healthy to go off the meat eg. hamburgers.
uh huh.. lacking protein? rubbish... the facts is that westerner have plenty of disease caused by too much proteins.i meant vegetarian. not a vegan. it's 2 different things. vegan is out of the world. i'll be better off being a cow then... two, discipline... it makes what i'm thinking to eat by giving myself restrictions.

alrighties.
good night.
i am a happy girl.
that's all that matters now.

Give it to me

2007-03-21T09:55:00.000+08:00

- Get Your Own

goodness sake.
hr called me when i was still sleeping.
god, i was so bLUR!

i remembered i was so frustrated w/ the interview which i felt it didn't went well because it lasted for 5mins. like hello 5 mins. or maybe less... i donnoe.
pathetic kannn... i was just saying to them i won't get the job. and ha ha ha ha. I got the job! damm. . . i am super happy laa... and the best thing is to start work on monday. as in next monday. thatissothecibai. anyways... there goes my holiday. i got only today, (which i plan to go zouk) thurs, (which i plan to go dbl0) i'll probably cancel it and REST. i'll just party on Friday night w/ my girlfriends and BF. then sat and sun will be a resting day again. anyway what a REAL GOOD TIMING to get a passport photo when EEEEeee... i've been having bad hair dayss... like NO! not when i have to take a permanent pic w/ my bangs. goodness... i wish there's a thing call baja for hair which they can really make hair grow super fast.okey watever. i need to shower. i need to plan my time wisely. i need to organise things. i need to thaw the salad. i need to go take picture. i need to jog at 5. i need to catch heroes and i need to sleep at 10pm.

- in my head now...

2007-03-20T16:06:00.000+08:00

is it going is it going is it going is it going?
I don't know what you're looking for
[Nelly]
I'm the type of girl that'll look you dead in the eye (eye)
I'm real as they come if you don't know why im fly-y-y-y-y
seen ya try to switch it up but girl you ain't got to
I'm the wonderwoman let me go get my ropes
I'm a supermodel and mummy, si mummy
amnesty international got bankrupt (im on top, on lock)
you love my ass and my abs and the video called promiscuousmy style is miticulous-s-s-s-s
[chorus]
if you see us in the club we'll be acting real nice
if you see us on the floor you'll be watchin all night
we ain't here to hurt nobody
so give it to me give it to me give it to me
wanna see you work your body
so give it to me give it to me give it to me
[Timbaland]
when timbo is in the party everbody put up their hands
I get a half a mill for my beats you get a couple grand-d-d-d-d
never gonna see the day that I ain't got the upper hand
I'm respected from californ.i.a. way down to japan
I'm a real producer and you just the piano many
our song gonna top the charts, I heard em, I'm not a fan-n-n-n-n
(like said before...you know what they say here)....
talkin greasy im the one that gave them they chance
somebody need to tell em they can't do it like I can
[chorus]
if you see us in the club we'll be acting real nice
if you see us on the floor you'll be watchin all night
we ain't here to hurt nobodyso give it to me give it to me give it to me
wanna see you work your bodyso give it to me give it to me give it to me
[JT]
(i simply love this verse)
Could you speak up and stop the mumbling
I don't think you're getting clear.
Sitting on the top it's hard to hear you from way up here.
I saw you tryin to act cute on tv just let me clear the air.
We missed you on the charts last week
Damn that's right, you wasn't there.
If sexy never left, then why's everybody on my shi it it?
Don't hate on me just because you didn't come up with it.
So if you see us in the club go on and walk the other way
Cuz our run will never be over; not at least until we say
[chorus]

- pressure sore

2007-03-20T14:30:00.000+08:00

i sat in the saloon for almost 6 hours

we all needed a slap of barrier cream too...
it's super ridiculous
let alone the ones seating for the rebonding and dyeing of their hair should empty their bladder first
even though it was a long day in the saloon; i had super fun.
i just see the whole environment that i was in outer space; where's there cool gadget
like the ones use for curling... it's super scary
it looks as if u could be electrocuted by it.

i just don't know how to describe that alien looking thingy
and there was of cause;this radiation satellite looking thingy which act as a warmer

i just needed to entertain myself with all this silly imaginations of mine

ET?dark vedda?star wars princess?wednesday adam?pirate of the Caribbean?

interview went well.
i wanna believe that.

i met cha in the morn to have breakfast at coffee beans. as usual i had my norm tea and waffles. i was super nervous. SO nervous till i need to b.o. x1. reached the h.r. and saw familiar faces. they all told their experiences in the hot seat with the adon and sis. listening to it made me nervous but i was confident tho...one by one finished their interview. u can see smiling faces. some; irritated because the sis was in a hurry and also because of OBESITY.hee... afasha told us AH does not accept obese ppl and therefore he came down to nuh in the end he got smack by the sis. but yea... it was more of advises that the sis gave to us. and then it came to my turn.

sis: smile.

me: gd morn sis. nice to meet u.

sis: here come. sit down. uh huh... 55 , 58

it seems like everybody wants to be in that ward.

me: oh yes sis. the ward is a good learning environment to be in.

sis: what if i put u in other ward

me: actually... am ok with it lah.

me again: LaH!? (in shock)

sis: raised eyebrow and look at me.

me: grin and smile.

like hell yea... singlish. bad ass... but anyways. it was short and simple.and of course until they call me;i shall then rot at home. hee... nah. whole lot of plans coming up real soon...

well, break starts from today.

i feel like a total bum.
and am super bored.

My 1st day.
jogging.
just- turn- vegetarian.
quit smoking.
it's not that am worried.
I'll get it all done.
It will be done.

happy TUesday.

my kind of me

2007-03-14T20:03:00.000+08:00

fckng fat flab + fatty food = fery fappy

2007-03-14T19:50:00.000+08:00

i am so fucking frustrated with blogspot!!!
anyways.
me, ella and hui hui spent the afternoon downtown yesterday.
we ate at billy b.

breakfast w/ the girls before our morning shift.
only for these few days
time will allow us to talk, eat and laugh together.
tell me
when will we be able to do this again after we graduate.

- Get Your Own

thank u baby for that fantastic saturday.
very fulling indeed.

waffles and sausage for breakfast at cb.
nasi grg sambal at sinaran for lunch and sundaes.
nasi grg daging merah at al azhar for dinner.
nasi grg ayam bakar at geylang lorong 6 for supper.

result:
very happy.
and
gained 4kg.

i always have good weekends
and
people around me knows
and
ensure they don't dial my no.
and hold their urge and wait for monday.
but only
sha and yot don't read my lips.
they keep pestering me.
oh u both are such a bother.

- Get Your Own

super duper happy weekend girl

2007-03-09T23:31:00.000+08:00

ma mood was okey.
happy
however
a mixed of bocapness.

she triggered my mood
she is so childish to answer me in that way.
like really laa.
eeeEE.
bingit lor.
Oh well.
i'll be one childish brat then.
pls grow up laa u kaki spocen.

I'm finding my way back to sanity again.

today was spent in the ward.
tired.
pissed.
why?
because i hate that ward.
definitely
it's not even a good learning environment.

i always believe that w/ good top management.
the follower will follow their good examples.

like this specific renal ward i was attached.
the sister is so uper nice.
educated.
smart.
humble.
but yet stern and shows real professionalism.

the ssn, sn,an,hca,housekeeper.
they are also terrific and pleasant to work with.

arent we called nurses?
the world sees nurses as friendly, dedicated, giving, polite people around.
and why do students experience episods that some of the ward staff are nasty.

like hell yeah.

today was still okey.
I'm so glad that we are left w/ only 5 days in that ward.

anyway it felt soo long that i didn't glued my eyes on the tv screen.
i managed to catch super sweet 16.
me and nenek went like Ee..
stop it.
so spoilt.

but seriously if dad is rich
like really really really laaa.

i dreamed of building a space
a paradise for animals especially for cats.

a place where they can have comfy velvet sofas to sleep on.
a large playground where's there's green grasses for them to run and also big shady trees for them to snooze.
wher good tuna are served.
and
weekly grooming.

research shows that animals are one of the "pain" reliever.
children or ill people can come to the cat paradise.
it's therapy; i call.

it does work for me.
no matter how mad ppl make me...
whenever fifi meows
and
manja manja

i'll place him on my lap
gentle strokes
on their soft bodies
slowly
it takes my problem away...
not totally
but
it does calmed me down.

well, my eyes are going to shut.
no more replacement
so that means i can rot and die till sunday.

happy weekend.

i have freaking 8 more days left

2007-03-06T22:17:00.000+08:00

i almost had a breakdown when i read her msg long time ago.
it wore me out.

he was right.
he had calmed me down and has made me feel better.
he knows I had tried the best I could...
i should have just listen to him.
he analyse girl's behaviour; i noticed.
he knows my friends better than i do.
therefore i could always have him as my bestfriend.

i'm just glad.
i went through what she went through too...
and
she went through what i went through three...

This is what i called friendships versus influence.

i didn;t manage to update regularly as 64 was so hectic.
i just wanna hang myself
or maybe shoot myself.
i swear it'll be a curse if i ever get a job in 64.
oh my god
the busiest
and
freaking
unorganised
and
cranky
patients
you could find there.

patient w/ uraemia.hypoglycemia.
what do u think?
cranky.
mood swings.
madness.

it's much more painful than imh.
i just do not have that Patience and passion after my experience in 64.

I wonder about my life.
I lead a small life .
well...
valuable but small.

i do wanna take up my degree in aust.
save it.
i'll probably work in a hospital for maybe a min. of 4 yrs
am happy as an AN.
am happy w/ $1 300.

tomorrow i have to be out of bed at 05 00 in the morning.
school is sucha bitch.
why cant school be a walking distance from home.
damm.

well, it's bedtime.
i really do need eight or more hours of beauty sleep a night.

Never i wanna admit
but i miss her.
saw her in her car.
i had a feeling one day we'll meet
and
we'll
exchange smiles.

hopefully since i can have a good sleep tonight.
i'll hope to dream of 4 numbers.

ahaa.

ok,
done,
my bed.
my sleep.
I'm sure will do me some good.

My last week will be a busy .
However, that's another entry.

love
wa-T

This or the other one?

2007-02-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

so irritating that most of the shops are close for the past 3 days.

had rot and decayed at home.
played need for speed.
xbox blown

head to east coast.

rain.
sleep.

so i ever said about my old gd friend
i was disgusted by the new her
i saw her just now

she told

me
she quit her night job as a hostess
and
she's now; a waitress.

has a daughter.

single.

mother.

proud of her. she changed.

sometimes when i see her
i wish i could just say

i miss you lena.

Black Or white

Nelly Furtado

Cameron Diaz

Gucci

Victoria Beckham

am going to a A children ward.

their comment.

the staff are nasty

and

will pick on you.

uh huh

i shall know tomorrow.

i whispered to her

i'll meet you in paris.

and

don't be late...

So where did it all go wrong now?

i'll probably wait for you on the top of the moutain.

underneath the stars.

flashes of my life scene

2007-02-19T09:08:00.000+08:00

recalling...

year 2001.

he called at 12.
he seem so calm
and i'm filled with anxiety.

he asked me out to catch a movie.

i look at myself in the mirror
to make sure everything is alright,
my hands are sweaty
my knees are weak.
and
it has been an hour
and
i am still deciding what to wear.

yesterday.

there's nothing I can do,
i'm no longer nervous
and that i am now quite relaxed.

Ratings
3.5 out of 5
Ghost Rider

if i have a knife now. i'll kill papa.

2007-02-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

Put away that tissue
Get rid of that hurt
he's just a tiny issue
I'll show you what more the world is worth.

i love u mama.

- it's not easy.

2007-02-15T16:45:00.000+08:00

i growed inside her
Little Heart Beating Strong
i was not An Accident
i was not A Mistake
i was the best Of surprises
two people could make.

this posting is affecting me emotionally.
i just felt her.
i do.
mama, i love you.

i am now in mother and child posting.
it was a big deal to me
as
i was scared of carrying babies.
when i first came to the ward.
i had several objectives.
getting my skills sign.

didn't i know that it was a whole new experience.
which that i won't forget.

i manage to have a day in the nursery yesterday
feeding babies.
changing diapers.
bath babies.

My long arms holding them
touching their soft skin
it was just so nice.

and

today

i went to the delivery suite.
i manage to see
2 normal
and
1 c.

the moment we stepped in at 7am
the sn instruct us to put dwn our bags and quickly go to suite 6.

we came in
and
saw the mummy was already prepared to push.
well, that mummy had epidural and so she push w/o pain.

she then gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

however,
while we were cleaning the baby.
she had difficulties pushing the placenta out
and
the mid wife
had her whole hand inside her vagina
to pull it out.
yikes.

anyway,
I didn't like the idea of an epidural,
as I wanted to be as active as possible during labour.
and
I also gotta promise myself that
I wouldn't swear and scream the delivery suite down.

and another thing.
i would love to do a water birth which is easily arranged at home.
and a large bath can be used.
well ppl,If you plan to give birth in a hospital you will have to find out what facilities are available and what their policies are regarding waterbirth.
Some hospital facilities have a waterbirth policy all ready in place.
and uh huh.
hell yea...
NUH do perform water birth yar.

One of the most common finding of research
is that many women find
that being submerged in water
enables them to relax
and they find the pain of labour lessens.

and after watching c.
i swear
it's so extremely ....
...
speechless okie.

anyway, a c is a
An incision (cut) is made in the mother's belly and uterus (womb) and then remove the baby.

uh huh.
it's so easily explained
but
i tell uuuu////
the procedures.

oh my god.
my legs just went wobbly.

it's more like tearing up a cow's meat laaa...

unforgettable.

dressed up to enter operating theater.

- Get Your Own

- Get Your Own

TUrn it Up

2007-02-14T17:36:00.000+08:00

| View Show | Create Your Own | Playlist

he was wasted ya'all

2007-02-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

went to st james power house to celebrate his 21st bdae.
power laaa...

he's turning twenty-one.
My truest, dearest syz1,

I've known him since sec. days,
We've had such happy times.
and
also messy times.
As lyrical as rhymes.

The 31st of jan was sheer delight.
And all in the world was right.

Even today, as grown ups,
Living apart that you're in camp cum prison,
We're still as close as ever,
Still very heart to heart.

What can I say about syz1?
Well, he just means it all.
Knowing him, being so close,
Makes life a living ball.

he's honest as the day is long,
I trust him in every way.
To make my every day.

he's funny, what a sense of humor,
And that's a special deed.
Invariably,he makes me laugh
When I'm in special need.

he really listens,
Lets me have my say.
Understands with empathy,
he's great in every way.

he loves me for whom I am,
Not for what I should be.
Thanks to syz1,
I'm everything I could be.

Consideration is his style,
he thinks of others first.
What would life be without syz1?
The answer's easy: The worst.

We'll keep on going moontanning, junking,
And laughing all the while.
With him around, that good, fun feeling
Is never out of style.

So syz1, I tell you,
With love that's bright as sun,
Have a wondrous, fun-filled birthday,
And a happy 21!

- Get Your Own

here's the bdae boy drinking the waterfall.

- Get Your Own

at the end of the night...
bdae boy still can be seen smilling.
thanks for the mess anyway syz1.
nxt time wanna vomit, give us warning first cannn....

- Get Your Own

- friends we will be

2007-02-05T10:07:00.000+08:00

we're friends now.
nothing expected more than just friends.

but the past.
were we together at the first place.

uh huh
the answer is no.

not at all.

that person is so irritating.
but i still love u.

ok.
now...
will you kiss me?

- Get Your Own

thank u ella.
thanks for the extra extra laaa...
i look scary mann.

i am so happy laaa...
crazily excited
can't wait for this friday.

Love u B.

- just because ur gf is thin

2007-02-04T22:42:00.000+08:00

hazmil said that

hm... wati
kau macam da...
then he grin

ya
ya
ya

i know right!

i put on weight

everybody said so.

- wati minah dandut. hah! riddiculous.

2007-02-04T18:10:00.000+08:00

i was back at school for sim training on friday.
god! i miss school.

- Get Your Own

waited and waited
that fahmi laa...
so late.
i miss wan getting sabo- ed.

here's a picture of the bdae boy and gf.

faz where u got the candles?
maybe i can buy for syz1 for his bdae nxt week.
he can blow and blow
and
BLOw!
hee...

- Get Your Own

and guess what laa...
yesterday was my first time going to a dandut club laa...
maligai manis

ahah.
went there w/ widya and friends
just there to
drink
and
laugh
at those makcik and pakciks gelek gelek
and
bitch
at those hostess, minahs and mats there.
but was i
relieved that at least there was still rnB songs.

furthermore, i get to see ppl high on drugs.
i was shock to see a junior of mine there.
he was high
and for godness sake
he was crying laa like a kid.
i can't believe that boy was so innocent back then
fit; played for tahkraw.
and now..
drugs?

anyway, i pray that syz1 will get his post that he always wanted to be in; CNB.
alike fahmi, he did get that post
but
because blinded by love
always don't want to report to work
and
stayed at his gf place
now...
he's a receptionist.

one word
HaH!

but really laa...
i heard about the drugs;
Power
they are super cheap
and
it's like everywhere.

drugs do ruin ppl lives, ok.
i mean so do drinking alcohol.
and
i feel that why go to an extend of taking drugs.
silly.

i wanted to go to the ladies
and to my surprise
i saw nas.
she said
wati!
ni wati ker.
wati gi dandut!

i was embarrased laa.

ahah.
for me being at a dandut club the first time.
all i gotta say is
-hanyut-
i can't imagine if my mom or my makcik siank gelek gelek drinking smoking and being around wak wak miyang.
ahhh...
i wanna faint.

- Get Your Own

tomorrow, another 6days work at the hospital
and
my last week at 55.

mother & child, next.
hmm..
carrying a baby.
i'm scared.
well, i shall practice carrying fifi my cat for a start.

enjoy your sunday people.

life is more than who we are

2007-02-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

it was all pretty until the day she call me a ....

i'm sad.
i'm tired.
i'm bored.

i am dying.

i feel so weak.

anyways

it's a friday.
yay!

happy 6th yr ann; B.
from just friends -lovers -enemies -bestfriends

i just wanna tell you that
you're always be in my heart
eventhough
sometimes you can be a real pain in the ass.

anyways

wish i could also do a surprise party too for him.

can't wait for wan's surprise 21st bday party
organised by

drum roll

duh!
who else right

his girlfriend laa...

can't wait laa sweets...
hee

anyway
happy 21st bday wan!!!

- I kNOe ryte??

2007-01-29T09:46:00.000+08:00

i can't wait to bump into her again.
i love the way how she talks to me.

though she acts like a guy,
she's beautiful in many ways.

i see you now,

i will see you later.

but the truth is that we'll never be together.

getting ready to go work.
such an ass.

not forgetting, i have a coffee date with phylis today.

i didn't know that she's crazy.
like totally
mood swing bitch.

- my sunday morning w/ syz1

2007-01-28T14:49:00.000+08:00

as we get older,
we get slower and lazy
and we stop being so active and fun and energetic.
gah.
wrong.

i wanted to go bt timah nature reserve but it's too muddy.
we went to bb nature park instead for a start.

- Get Your Own

half the top

- Get Your Own

cliMbing up...

- Get Your Own

giving up

- Get Your Own

looking at his reflection
vain.

- her fav. colour is red.

2007-01-28T14:45:00.000+08:00

red is blood.

we need no introduction.

she is slim and firm and need no lipo suction.

while i am a cute lil' bug.
and i desperately need a hug from her.

- i loved her. she love emily blunt.

2007-01-26T17:08:00.000+08:00

one named beautiful with a beautiful face.
she is somewhat strange.
but she will never change.
we're both in a quite a happy mess tho.

Mona is a working class Yorkshire girl
who lives with her brother Phil
in what was a pub but has been turned into a Christian center by Phil,
who found the Lord in prison.

up on the Yorkshire moors to escape the evangelists who have overrun her home,
Mona meets Tamsin.

Tamsin is languishing in a massive ivy clad house,
suspended from boarding school for being “a bad influence on people.”

Mona is captivated by this beautiful and sophisticated girl
(she quotes Nietzsche, she plays the cello, she “adores” Edith Piaf),

and their relationship quickly develops from casual acquaintance,
to sexual attraction,
to obsessive love,
played out over a long hot summer when they have nothing to do and a lot of time to do it in.

Mona and Tamsin love each other,
the scenes involving the young women have a crystalline, hallucinatory feel.

the atmosphere between Mona and Tamsin crackles like summer lightning, elemental but dangerous.
and the relationship between Phil, who wants his sister to find an unquestioning happiness in Jesus,
and
Mona, who wants her old brother back even if he was a violent criminal,
is almost painful.

Watching My Summer of Love,
it’s difficult to shake off the persistent feeling that everything is going to end in tears,
if not worse.

the love between the two girls quickly turns obsessive, leading to violence when others try to keep them apart.

- my wednesday pm shift

2007-01-24T23:11:00.000+08:00

i’ve just been really tired.

boyfriend surprised me again.
he was out from camp again in the afternoon

but only till 10.30pm today.

went to eat my chezzz

and meet ella for a while.

miz her lots.

anyway,
i’m very happy with him at the moment.

never in my life would I have expected this.
in a week time.
me & bb 6th yrs ann...

work is work,

nyp's on my nerves
but i'll try to ignore them tho.

psychotic pt bed 27
thinking of her makes me wanna drop and die.

she's placed somewhere where she can see the food trolley.
the food trolley just came sey
can't she wait for the food to be heated up.
padan muka tadi makan taugeh.
haaaa.

anyways,
she pressed the call bell many a times.

demanding to get her the food...

but ya la. cant blame. she's a psychosis pt.

and i’m kind of annoyed.

see..
i gave her soft damp cottons to wipe her ass after she use the commode to box1.

and

she scream at me

she say she wants a dry tissue paper instead.

like EE yuuu...

but i’m kind of glad.
i tolerated.

you know what?
i could totally blog about someone right now, but I just cannot bring myself to it. I’m too tired.

good nyte.

- Something's Missing

2007-01-24T10:12:00.000+08:00

networking connections.

whenever i talk about old times with bb.
i can't help it.

i miss her.
alot.

HE was suppose to be in camp on monday night.

10.45pm lights off.
and
i was late.
11.00pm. usual bed time stories.

i rushed home.

on my way back home from work

HE surprised me. he had taken a leave.

he was under my void deck.

the only bad thing was i wasn't alone.
i was w/ that girl.

- genesis of obsessive compulsion disorder for my generation

2007-01-23T18:20:00.000+08:00

a new beginning for him & his gf.

went to meet him.

went mustafa
bought
purple perfumed petals
crystal glass purple flower
ferraro's
frame
card
and
went to print pix of him & gorgeous gf.

- Get Your Own

love?
love is lust . . .

i commented.

or issit

kesenangan. . .

born a romeo?

hmm..
but some part of him
i didn't see
until that very day.

view from her place. view of clarke quay.

- Get Your Own

awaiting for her to come home from shooting
he decorated her bed.

- Get Your Own

we ordered mc
and
drank.

went to meet the rest.

it rained.

we separated from them.

but
the weather didn't stop us from
me & bb moon tanning

we waited
and
waited
till sunrise. time: 7;38am.

- Get Your Own

van.sha.mark.nana
accompanied
us too.

hangover.toxicated.

we jump into the sea.
they did a double D size sand boobs for me.
shall upload the pics soon.

to dearest. with love.

anyway
wishing dearest
happy 20th birthday.

kak wani's wedding prep.

yayness.
so
so
looking forward to her beautiful day.

and the fact that bb said
i am gaining weight.

i agreed.

and
so
i'll shall
trim off my extra baby fats laaa
but still
maintain my 45kg.

and bb has plan
a whole lot of activities for us

and nxt week
we're going cycling plus tracking

burned sat. lesser time to spent with him then.

fcuk la...
i just remembered.
i am replacing my mc on this saturday.
cibaikannninakannn...

anyways
attachment went pretty well in 55 and my posting at a&e
i love the pace & speed in a&e.

i hope somebody please shake me off
from further decision to work at st.andrews.
very soon
i have to make up my mind
pursue studies to a deg. at aust.
or
just fucking work laa...

how often am i gonna post nowadays

depends on what's going on with me at the moment.
i'm busy, like now.

i'm sorry. am attached.

The hardest thing, though, was telling her.
I am straight.
Another thing that had to be done, no matter how difficult.
she didn’t take it well, as expected.

i really wish that days of our lives would just stick to tv.

let me have a quiet, boring life.

- Offence description

2007-01-21T17:52:00.000+08:00

:: Nature of offence ::

-being sincere-